It’s not for the faint of heart that’s for damn sure! Being a parent in general is not for the faint of heart. My 10 yr old hit himself in the head with the shovel handle bc he’s out there hitting the tree with it, no matter that he has millions of other toys he could play with but like I said no one listens to Mom so I just let things play out and BAM…instant karma. My 6 yr old thinks everything is a lightsaber…. as we speak he’s outside right now with the water hose attachment swinging it around *eye roll*…its repeating EVERYTHING you say 1,000 times over bc no one listens and today has NOT been a good day. My house is a mess and like always my husband is gone on his stupid motorcycle. Dude I just want to go somewhere and NEVER come back….I’m hating life today. Forgive me for being so negative but I could scream at the top of my lungs and no one would give a shit today. I long for a HUGE bottle of wine or a few dozen beers.
I love my boys to the moon and back a million and one times but some days I find myself thinking WTF…. I can’t tell you how many times a day I say that! My youngest just got diagnosed with ADHD and he’s still adjusting to his meds, it’s been about a month. He’s on a non stimulant called Intuniv. It’s taken a little bit for him to adjust, he’s not been sleeping well and waking up a lot at night. Anyway…. I better get this circus rained in before my husband gets home. *sigh
I have literally not had a moments peace today. I can’t pee by myself, I can’t even step outside to make a phone call without them up my ass. I just want to be left alone and I know it’s hard with little ones but I’m telling you if I don’t get a moments peace my head is going to blow up. Any other time they’d be keeping themselves occupied. There are tons of things for them to do, they have tablets and movies and coloring books, even a fenced in backyard but NOOOOO they have to drive me batshit crazy, asking 2 thousand questions and drinking my drink even though they have their own! I am seriously ready for dinner and bed bc I think that’s the only way I’ll get the quiet I want. I’m so annoyed and it doesn’t make it any better bc hubby is out on a tugboat for work so he won’t be back until after they are in bed!! I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. I do feel rotten bc I told my 10 year old I didn’t like him. He can be the sweetest but he is such a bad influence on his baby brother. He does things he KNOWS he shouldn’t do and then brother does it. So they oth end up getting in trouble. My head is pounding right now and my throat hurts from yelling bc no one listens to me around here unless I yell. Its so stupid. I just want peace and quiet. No fighting, no yelling, no screaming, no tattle telling, no throwing things, no stomping or running. I love being a Mom it has its perks and there are some pretty amazing moments but today has been a bad day and I’ve been fighting with these boys all damn day it seems. And I really mean it when I say that they’re going to kill me. I’m going to end of having a stroke or something bc they want to act like fools all the time. My Mom always told me that God won’t give you more than you can handle but I don’t believe in God and even if I did he underestimated me immensely.
That is seriously what this Momma needs right now. I have really had it with my weekends lately, if I’m not stressed about the kids then it’s something else. Sometimes I wish I could just work all the time. I feel like I can’t relax!!! Right now today has been a horrible afternoon…the boys were being bad so I tried taking them outside but they want to throw things at the house and hit each other so I made them come in. My 5 year old is a hot mess and he is just all over the place. He has done nothing but get into trouble today. I feel like I’m getting onto him every 2 seconds for something! Most times I can keep him quiet with his tablet but he won’t even sit down for 5 minutes to play with that today. My oldest is keeping himself occupied for the moment, thank God. In the meantime my 5 year old is in the same room as I am jumping off the toy box with a light saber SMH. I have no patience left for today. I wish it was bedtime already and I wish my husband was home to help…. although he probably wouldn’t be. He’d be sitting on the couch watching fucking Netflix and yelling at the kids from the couch. So like my title reads I need a beach and a cold beer….hell I may get hammered once hubby does get home or I may just go drive off a bridge who knows! I seriously feel like I’m going to have a heart attack, I feel lightheaded and I really just want to pack up and run away. I know I can’t, my boys need me but it was a nice thought. Just me and a book, a beer and some sand between my toes…. UGH…. sounds like paradise. Instead I’m stuck at home with 2 crazy kids, no money and watching Sing for the millionth time. *sigh*
Don’t even et me started about tomorrow. We have to go over to my husbands Grandmas. Sometimes it isn’t so bad but the kind of mood I’ve been in lately I just don’t wanna go. She always asks questions and sometimes I just don’t want to talk. Hubbys mom will be over there so maybe it wont be so bad. Anyways…….hong kong phooey.
I guess you could say that I’m learning this the hard way. Especially when that person is your boss. My now ex boss and I had a mutual friend and I totally messed up when I trusted this mutual friend. I should have known that expressing my feelings to her was the wrong thing to do but I was really hurt and I really needed someone to talk to so I vomited everything on her about how things were different with me and Yanira (ex boss) and how I felt that I was getting treated like crap and no one else was. I cried to her and everything. Well like I said before I should have known better bc when Yanira did have a chance to talk she got mad bc I didn’t come to her. I DID!!!! She called me a drama queen and told me I was being paranoid but I knew better, she was different to me and I called her out on it and then she threw it in my face about how I went behind her back and talked to everyone about “our” problem. I never told anyone except Lolli and it’a sad that all the other girls I worked with saw me getting treated differently BUT Yanira never did. It was the dumbest thing ever and at that minute I knew that Lolli (mutual friend) had told her what I had said and knowing her she probably lied about half of it to make me sound like a bitch. Anyhow…. I’m trying my best to put it all behind me and move on but it is hard bc before Lolli entered the picture Yanira and I were inseparable. She pushed me out of the circle and became BFF’s with Lolli and I wasn’t included in anything anymore.
So anyways, I quit my job at Plantation and got a new job at another animal hospital. I am a lot happier here but it’s still in the back of my mind about them. I heard that after I left they were mocking me and how I complained about everything. I never complained as much as the 2 of them but I guess none of that matters anymore.
A lot of things have changed since 2014, a lot. Today I am feeling bitter about a lot of things but I’m sick also so that just adds to my frustration. My boys are 100 mph today and it’s looks like there’s no chance of them calming down anytime soon. Christmas kind of sucked but it usually does for me. I’m glad that my family was here to celebrate it with me though. I had to work a lot during Christmas break so I only got to spend a day or so with the boys. They are full of piss and vinegar but I still miss them lol. This morning my youngest broke my beloved Jack Skellington cup, he dropped it so it was an accident. I called my husband to vent bc this cup was seriously my favorite cup in the world. I used it for coffee, ice cream, soup. Anyway, I called my husband to vent and instead of him being like I’m sorry babe he was like Ok, I don’t know what you want me to say. Show a little compassion asshole…he doesn’t care but nothing new there I guess. He cares but not enough I think, it’s weird. It doesn’t help that I’m feeling bitter today I guess bc everything sucks today and I hate everyone lol. I need to be on a deserted island where there is no one but me and my freaking dog. Things are a mess I think I need a girls night, I’m texting my sister. I figured I would feel better after this but I don’t. Anyway… happy new years eve everyone and whatever you do tonight please be safe!
Marriage is tough and if you don’t work on it and fight for it then it’s just a waste of time! Tuesday night was a bad night for hubby and I but like always we talked it through and now things are good with us. I’m thankful that he listened to me this time and he actually told me some things and both of us have some things to work on. He told me that we need to reconnect at home. He works and I work, we come home, have dinner and get the boys to bed without hardly talking to each other! The past few days we have been trying to spend time together after the boys go to bed and so far so good! It’s a first for me but I actually watched a preseason football game with him last night!
We decided that in a few weeks we are going to go on a trip, just the 2 of us. I think it will do us some good to be alone, no kids, no work just him and I, some conversation and lots of fun :). If anyone is curious we are going to Tampa to Busch Gardens. I know we need this, it’s been way to long for us. We always have the kids with us and don’t get me wrong I love our boys to the moon and back but It’s always nice to have mommy and daddy time too. 🙂
I seriously hate my life sometimes.. like really hate it. Hate it enough to where I wish I could just pack my stuff and go somewhere where no one could ever find me. Anyone else feel like that? I feel like that right now. My husband is in a crappy mood and he’s being an ass to me. He called me stupid and told me to leave. I’m so over his piss fits, I mean he’s almost 36 and he acts like he is 2! It’s stupid and totally unacceptable! I’m sleeping on the couch tonight. Hell I’m outside on my front patio bc I can’t stand to be around him. I really wish for once he’d think about someone other than himself. I’ve been sitting outside for half and hour and not once has he checked on me. I could have been snatched up or shot! I mean he has to know I’m somewhere. If you have a fight with your SO and you go to separate rooms to calm down, once you’re cooled off and came out and you noticed your SO wasn’t there wouldn’t you look for them? I would. He has no clue how I feel bc he never takes the time to listen. 😦 And when I say anything he gets so defensive!
Anyhow…. I have work tomorrow so I guess I’d better try and get some sleep.. ta ta.